Help Friends
I have a friend or classmate who seems to need help. What’s the best way for me to approach them?
The first thing you can do is be a good friend. Be present. Be kind. And listen without judgement. You can also validate their feelings, appreciate their courage, and refer them to sources of support: this approach was developed by a national student-to- student support organization called Active Minds. The approach is called the “3 V-A-R Steps: Validate, Appreciate, Refer.” We include it below because we believe in its power to help.
Validate
Step 1: Validate the person’s feelings. Let them know that what they are feeling is okay and that you believe in them. Validate sounds like this:
- “I believe you.”
- “That makes sense.”
- “That sounds difficult.”
- “I’m sorry you are struggling right now.”
Appreciate
Step 2: Appreciate the person’s courage. Speaking up about personal challenges and pain can be hard. Let them know it’s a good step. Also show you are there to support them. Affirmation sounds like this:
- “Thank you for sharing.”
- “Thank you so much for talking to me. That took a lot of courage.”
- “You are not alone.”
- “I’m here for you.”
Refer
Step 3: Refer them to skills and support. Let them know help is available and refer them to appropriate resources. Refer sounds like this:
- “I’ve been using this meditation app. It’s really helped me slow down my thoughts.”
- “I think it might be helpful to talk to someone. I can stay with you while we call/text a hotline.”
- “Sometimes taking time for self-care and listening to a comedy podcast helps me. Can we do that together?”
